Hermione Granger and the Sixth Year Makeover
by Crossbow
Summary: Tired of the usual Hermione Makeover stories and looking for something new? This isn't it.
1. Chapter 1

Once upon a time, in a mythical land called Great Britain, there lived a girl named Hermione Granger.

Hermione was a very clever girl, and since she valued intelligence and integrity and loyalty and practically everything else over beauty, she suffered no lack of self-esteem due to her rather bushy hair and large front teeth. Well, actually she wasn't terribly fond of her teeth, but with dentists for parents, she knew that the fact that they were healthy was the important thing.

On her eleventh birthday, Hermione received a letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Previously, at the ripe old age of eleven, Hermione had assumed that she would grow up to be a dentist like her parents. Or possibly (dare she think it?) a periodontist.

The letter changed everything, however, and Hermione knew that from then on, magic would be her life. Weeks before the school year started, she bought and read all the books required for her year, and then some. She committed _Hogwarts, a History_ to memory.

In her reading she learned about the evil Lord Voldermont – Er, I mean Voldemort – and the infant who had defeated him, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived.

Harry Potter had been born in the same year as Hermione, so she expected that he would also be starting at Hogwarts the same year, but she didn't expect that he would be one of the first friends she made. From almost the beginning of their first year, Hermione, Harry, and their friend Ron, were nearly inseparable. (Yes, that is how you spell it.)

Hermione and Ron tended to bicker, but it was several years before Hermione understood the significance of the "pigtail-pulling." It wasn't until their fourth year that Hermione realized that Ron liked her in "that way," and it was even longer before Ron noticed it.

At the end of Hermione's fourth year, Lord Voldemort returned. As terrible as that was, Hermione was pleased to be close to, even part of, the action, rather than sitting around waiting to be slaughtered by Voldemort's followers, the Death Eaters. She lived for part of the summer at the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, a group organized to fight Voldemort, and caught a great deal of their goings-on and provided support where she could.

Fifth year, Hermione was made a prefect for Gryffindor house. That was about the last good thing that happened that year. Harry became irritable and withdrawn, and Ron, although still friendly, completely failed to notice that he and Hermione were flirting with each other. Ron had his own problems, of course; his father was nearly killed in the course of his work with the Order, and his brother Percy, for all intents and purposes, took Voldemort's side. The new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was a despot who had nearly shut down the school, and refused to let the students practice magic while she was at it. Hermione, Ron, and Harry were worried sick about their absent friend Hagrid, the Groundskeeper, for most of the year, and not at all relieved when he returned with his half-brother, a Giant named Gawp, who nearly killed Hagrid on a daily basis.

At the end of the year, Sirius Black - Harry's godfather, a friend to all of them, and the owner of the house the Order used as their headquarters - was killed in a skirmish against the Death Eaters.

But that summer Hermione's life took a turn that made her fifth year seem idyllic…

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**A/N:** Thanks to the Muse of Parody for the inspiration, and "Voposama" for the beta-read.


	2. Chapter 2

_Mine eye hath play'd the painter and hath steel'd,_

_Thy beauty's form in table of my heart;_

_My body is the frame wherein 'tis held,_

_And perspective it is best painter's art._

_For through the painter must you see his skill,_

_To find where your true image pictur'd lies,_

_Which in my bosom's shop is hanging still,_

_That hath his windows glazed with thine eyes._

_Now see what good turns eyes for eyes have done:_

_Mine eyes have drawn thy shape, and thine for me_

_Are windows to my breast, where-through the sun_

_Delights to peep, to gaze therein on thee; _

_Yet eyes this cunning want to grace their art,_

_They draw but what they see, know not the heart._

_- William Shakespeare, Sonnet XXIV_

It was the summer after her fifth year. Hermione was going on sixteen. Suddenly, her father was killed in a car accident. Her mother's brother moved in with Hermione and her mother, and began beating and raping Hermione several times a week. Miraculously, he never caused her any permanent physical damage.

In rebellion, Hermione had her navel pierced and was summarily thrown out of the house.

Rather than report her uncle to anyone or talk to her friends, Hermione ran away to the States and lived in Chicago for the summer. There she met a Goth chick named Meredith, or "Death" for short, who helped Hermione remake herself.

Hermione didn't really need that much help; she had had her teeth shrunken by Madame Pomfrey, the school nurse at Hogwarts, and had learned about using smoothing potions on her hair. But most importantly, that summer she suddenly developed Curves in All The Right Places ™. When she returned to school for sixth year, she would be a total babe.

Unless, of course, she kept dressing like a schoolgirl. That was where Death came in.

Death taught Hermione how to streak her hair black and purple and how to emphasize her new curves with a black leather bra-top and hipster pants. (They agreed, however, that a black cape would be overkill.) She also taught Hermione to apply makeup, although with her naturally creamy skin, thick black eyelashes, and ruby lips, Hermione didn't really need it.

One might think that after what she'd suffered at the hands of her uncle, Hermione would be inclined to hide her body rather than show it off, but it didn't work that way; Hermione realized that her drop-dead figure had made her uncle lose control of himself and that her looks were really her only valuable asset. She understood now that all her intellect and all her studying was for nothing if she didn't look sexy.

In August Hermione received a letter from Hogwarts listing the books and supplies she would need – and naming her as Head Girl.

There was also a personal letter from Professor McGonagall, the Deputy Headmistress, asking Hermione to report directly to her office upon arriving at the school. Hermione assumed that this would be a meeting to discuss her Head Girl responsibilities.

She was wrong.

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**A/N:** I actually did have a friend named Meredith who went by Death, but she didn't make me over. Just introduced me to Siouxsie and the Banshees. And before anyone gets on my case about treating rape and incest so lightly, that's the point. If you don't get it, you just haven't read enough Makeover!Hermione stories:D


	3. Chapter 3

During the summer, Hermione had taught herself to Apparate, and even though she was underage, she Apparated to Platform 9 ¾. She found herself standing next to Draco Malfoy, already in his school robes and wearing his Prefect's badge.

Malfoy turned to sneer at her. "What are you - " He stopped and stared at her. "Granger?"

"In the flesh," she quipped, puffing up her chest a bit. She'd never noticed before that Draco's eyes were so… silvery.

Flipping her smooth purple-and-black hair over her shoulder, Hermione turned away and moved to board the Hogwarts Express, making sure to swing her hips as she went. She was aware of Draco's gaze following her but barely noticed that all other heads turned as well.

On the train, Hermione located Ron and Harry, who were saving her a seat. They gaped at her.

"Hermione? Is that you?" asked Ron. "You look completely different!"

"I feel different," she said with a smile. "I'm even thinking of using a different name. Maybe Aurora, or something punk like Xtina…"

"There's already a new transfer student named Aurora who goes by Xtina," said Harry. "How about a color? Maybe Indigo or Cerulean? Or Violet? Or an animal, like Cat or Sparrowhawk? Or, I know, a season! Summer, Autumn, or Winter."

"I think those are all taken too," said Ron.

Hermione sighed. "Well, I'm certainly not going to go by 'Spring.' I didn't want to go with the obvious, but I think I'm going to use Harmony. It's way cooler than Hermione but close enough that I won't get confused. You can call me Harm for short."

"Isn't that a 'Buffy' reference?" asked Harry.

"Sure, but almost no one here will know that; most of them don't have televisions, and besides, that show hasn't premiered yet."

"Oh. All right," Harry said doubtfully.

"Hey, her – uh, I mean Harm," said Ron, "Are you a prefect again this year?"

"No, I'm Head Girl," she answered, trying not to sound smug.

"In only your sixth year? Wow! Do you know who the Head Boy is?"

"No; I'm supposed to go see McGonagall when I get to school, and I expect she'll tell me then."

"Probably Malfoy, if old Snape has anything to say about it," muttered Ron.

Thinking of Professor Snape, their sour-faced, greasy-haired Potions master made Hermione cringe, but she just said, "Draco's only sixth year; he can't be head boy."

"You're only sixth year too," Ron pointed out.

"Yes, but I -"

"Hey," Harry interrupted, "Where's Crookshanks?"

"Who?"

"Your cat. You know, the one that was always trying to eat Scabbers…" Ron trailed off as he recalled who Scabbers had really been.

"Oh, him," said Hermione. I mean Harmony. "I had to leave him in England when I went to Chicago. I'm sure he's fine.

"What were you doing in Chicago?" Ron demanded.

Harmony gave them an abbreviated version of her story, in which she had spent the summer in Chicago "just for the experience."

"Wait," said Harry, "If you Apparated directly to Platform 9 ¾ from Chicago, when did you get your school books? You couldn't have Apparated to Diagon Alley too, or the Ministry would have come down on you for underage magic."

"I ordered them by Owl Post," she explained, "but I'm sure the Ministry is far too busy right now to worry about me."

"You found an Owl Post Office in Chicago?" asked Ron.

"Well, there they mostly use Canada geese…"

And so much of the trip to Hogwarts passed in discussion of urban wildlife.

Upon reaching Hogwarts, Harmony went directly to McGonagall's office. As she tapped on the door, Harmony suddenly remembered that McGonagall usually took the first year students in to the Sorting. McGonagall answered the door, though, so whatever she had to tell Harmony must be more important than that. She also wondered who was escorting the first years. Hopefully not Professor Snape.

As she entered McGonagall's office, Harmony was surprised to see that Headmaster Dumbledore was present as well…

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**A/N:** According to the Harry Potter timeline, the Trio's sixth year is 1996-97, and BtVS premiered in the March of 1997.


	4. Chapter 4

"Ah, Miss Granger, thank you for coming!" said Professor McGonagall.

"Welcome back, Miss Granger," said Dumbledore, "and congratulations on being named Head Girl."

"Thank you, Headmaster," said Harmony, wishing they would call her Hermione so she could tell them to call her Harmony instead.

"I asked Professor Snape to join us as well," said McGonagall, "but he wasn't feeling well. I still think it would be better for him to tell you himself, but…"

Why would Snape need to be there? Dumbledore was the Headmaster of the school, and McGonagall was the Deputy Headmistress, but Snape was only the Potions Master. If they had only wanted to talk about her Head Girl duties, they wouldn't need him. In fact, she couldn't imagine any reason they would need him.

"Is this… bad news?" asked Harmony.

"Oh, dear me, no!" exclaimed McGonagall. "No, it's very good news, especially in light of your current living situation."

"My current… I don't understand, Professor."

Professor Dumbledore took over. "We know that your father was killed, and what your uncle did to you," he said gently. "We wanted to intervene, but decided it was best that you test your strength."

"No, that wasn't it," said McGonagall. "The Ministry of Muggle Relations wouldn't allow it because her family is all Muggle."

"Oh, that's right," laughed Dumbledore. "That makes much more sense."

"May I sit down?" asked Harmony.

Professor McGonagall conjured a chair for her as Dumbledore continued. "As Minerva was saying, this is very good news. You see, Mr. Granger wasn't your father. Your real father is Severus Snape."

"This is a bad dream," said Harmony.

"What do you mean?" asked McGonagall. "This is marvelous – it means you still have a family you can go to!"

"But Snape is, well, evil!" Harmony protested.

"Of course he's not!" said Professor McGonagall. "Surely you don't think the Headmaster would allow him to work here if he were evil!"

"No offense," said Harmony, "but Professor Dumbledore did allow Professor Quirrell and Bartemius Crouch to work here, and they were working directly with Lord Voldemort."

"She's got a point there," McGonagall said to Dumbledore.

"It's true I haven't been on my game these past few years," Dumbledore admitted, "but Snape was the one who sniffed out Quirre1l, and he helped me interrogate Crouch."

"All right, he's not evil," Harmony agreed. "But he hates me. He's hated me since my first day of school here! Has he known all this time that he's my father?"

"Yes, he has," said Dumbledore. "He's tried hard not to show any favoritism to you…"

"He's certainly succeeded!"

"… and he won't tell anyone about it. Not unless you want him to."

A thought struck Harmony. "Who else knows about this?"

"Only myself and Minerva," Dumbledore assured her. "Oh, and Madam Pomfrey."

"And Professor Sprout," put in McGonagall. "And Hagrid, of course."

"Hagrid? But he can't keep a secret to save his life! And I mean that literally!" Harmony exclaimed.

"I did have to put a memory charm on him," said Dumbledore.

"And of course we don't know whom among the Death Eaters he might have told. Probably Lucius Malfoy, at the least," McGonagall added.

"Malfoy?" Harmony said faintly.

"Speaking of Malfoy," said Dumbledore, "Draco is our new Head Boy. You'll be sharing a suite with him this year."

"I'll be… what? I'm sorry, may I sit down?"

"You're already sitting, dear," said McGonagall.

"Well, I'd better toddle," said Dumbledore. "I've got a feast to officiate. You'd better hurry along, too, Hermione, or you'll miss the Sorting."

"It's Harmony," was all she could say.

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**A/N:** OMG plz review and B nice cuz this iz mah first Hermione-gets-abused-and-moves-to-America-and-goes-Goth-and-changes-her-name story, and my first Hermione-becomes-Head-Girl-and-has-to-share-a-dorm-with-Draco story, AND my first Hermione-turns-out-to-be-Snape's-daughter story! LOL!111eleven1!


	5. Chapter 5

Professor McGonagall had to go to the feast, but Harmony couldn't stand the thought of food (which was just as well, since she had to lose nearly 4 pounds), so McGonagall had Dobby the House Elf show her to her new dorm.

All the way there, Harmony walked in a daze. Snape? Her father?

And Draco? Head Boy? _Her roommate?_

The dorm room was in one of the lower levels of the Astronomy Tower. "Here you is!" said Dobby, stopping in front of a dark painting showing two reclining figures. Harmony recognized it as a copy of _Cupid and Psyche_ by Jacques Louis David, which she had seen at the Cleveland Museum of Art during her summer in America. Since this version moved, however, Cupid seemed perpetually to be struggling to get out of bed while Psyche slept on, pinning him down by one wing.

The image of two nude people in bed in front of the dorm she was to share with Draco disturbed Harmony greatly, although not in an entirely unpleasant way.

"Password?" asked Cupid, somehow maintaining his silly grin.

"Sparklypoo," Harmony answered, giving the password McGonagall had provided.

"I love that word!" said Cupid, and he giggled as the door swung open.

Harmony stepped into a small sitting room featuring a single sofa, a fireplace, and what appeared to be a bearskin rug.

Three doors opened off the common room. "The center door is to the bathroom," said Dobby," and the other two are to the bedrooms. Dobby must warn Miss Granger, the bedrooms switch! Sometimes the left is yours, and sometimes the right!"

"Can't that be fixed?" asked Harmony.

"No Miss," said Dobby. "All Headmasters has tried! Will Miss Granger be needing anything else from Dobby? You hasn't eaten yet."

"No thanks, Dobby," she replied, not mentioning that she didn't want food because she had become anorexic over the summer. (Usually anorexia nervosa takes a lifetime to develop, but Harmony was a fast learner, and had spent hours on pro-ana websites picking up tips She was an expert on it by now even though she hadn't actually lost any weight.) "I think I'll just go to bed."

Once Dobby had left, Harmony poked her head into the right-hand bedroom. It proved to be furnished in Slytherin colors and hung with Malfoy family portraits, including several portraits that appeared to be of Veelas.

Probably not her room.

Did this mean that Draco had Veela relatives, even though his family claimed to be Pureblood? She would have to needle him about it later.

Next she tried the left-hand door, which she found to be decorated in black with purple accents, the walls covered in moving posters of her favorite bands like Green Day and… um, Green Day.

Without undressing, Hermione put on her MP3 player and lay down. **(A/N: Yeah, I know that in 1996 portable MP3 players didn't exist, but my story, my rules! MWAHAHAHA!)** With her headphones on, she wasn't aware Malfoy had come in until he spoke.

"Gawd, Granger, this room is hideous," he drawled.

Opening one eye, Harmony pulled off one of her black and purple buckle arm warmers from Hot Topic and threw it at him. "Hey, thanks!" he said, catching it neatly. "I've always wanted one of these… whatever it is. "

"Fuck off, Malfoy," said Harmony, who had also taken up swearing over the summer.

"Oh, I'm wounded!" he cried. Then his tone changed to one of curiosity. "Hey, what are those scratches all over your arms?"

Harmony had forgotten that the whole reason she was wearing the arm warmers was to cover her scars from cutting herself after her uncle had started raping her. "They're from trying to kill myself when I heard you were made Head Boy," she snapped.

"Well, you did a lousy job of it," he shot back. "The cuts need to be vertical, and a lot deeper."

"I'll keep that in mind for next time," she said.

"Well, I'll be in the next room if you need help," he offered, and left.

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**Author's Notes:**

**Lacienigaboulevardes** – Yes, understatement is our friend.

**Ducky27** – Oh, no, I haven't forgotten about the prophecy!

**Story645** – Sorry, Hermione can't actually GO to Hot Topic because I've never been there. I only know about it from Fan Fiction. I looked them up on line, and their only locations here are in the suburbs. I fear the suburbs.

**Disclaimer:** OK, before you jump all over me… My reason for turning Hermione-I-mean-Harmony into a pseudocutter and a wannarexic is not to make fun of self injurers or anorexics, but to point out how stupid it is to use those things as a cheap source of "instant angst" in fan fiction.

For real information on anorexia nervosa, please visit the website of the "Nation's Voice on Mental Illness."

For real information on self injury, please visit the "Secret Shame" website.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, just to do something different, Harmony cast a charm to change her eyes from brown to violet, and a spell to shorten and fray her uniform skirt. She pretended not to notice Draco gaping at her when she emerged from her room.

Harmony went to the Great Hall and accidentally ate breakfast before she remembered she was anorexic, at which point she ran to the second floor girls' lavatory and tried to make herself sick, but she couldn't because Moaning Myrtle kept talking to her.

"No one's been to see me for _months_!" moaned Myrtle.

"It's been summer," Harmony pointed out.

"That's no excuse! It's like I'm dead to them!"

"But you are dead," Harmony reminded her, which sent Myrtle flying around the room in a crying fit and finally diving back into her U-bend.

By then Harmony was late for Potions, which as usual, was a double class with the Slytherins. **(A/N I know the books say that Snape only accepts students with an OWL of O into his NEWT class, but in my story all the Slytherins and Gryffindors are in it!)** She was dreading seeing Professor Snape, but true to form, he defied even her worst expectations.

"Ah, Miss Granger…" he said as she entered the classroom. "How kind of you to join us. I hope you're not planning to presume upon our new relationship by making a habit of coming in this late."

The class was struck dumb by this comment. Face burning, Harmony took a seat next to Harry and hid behind a textbook. "What was that about?" Harry whispered.

"Don't answer!" whispered Ron. "I don't want to know!"

Harmony noticed that Draco didn't look in the least surprised. Could he know?

Harmony couldn't focus on class after that, but since Snape never called on her to answer questions, it didn't really matter.

When it came time to begin brewing their potions, everyone began splitting into pairs. Snape ordered Harmony to work with Draco, saying, "As Head Boy and Girl, you'll have to learn to work together sooner or later," but Harmony suspected it was just because Snape liked to see her squirm. Suddenly it occurred to her that was a completely inappropriate attitude for a father to take.

Harmony decided to try to find out what Draco knew. "You didn't seem surprised by what Snape said," she observed.

"What, about your 'relationship'? Why should I be? The whole school knows you've been shagging out Potions Master."

"WHAT? That's – you – that's sick!" she sputtered. "How could anyone think that! And even if it were true, he'd be sacked! He wouldn't go telling the whole class!"

She noticed Draco was trying not to laugh. "Relax, Granger, I'm pulling your leg." He allowed Harmony a moment to absorb that before continuing, "No one but me knows you're shagging him."

Harmony felt anger welling up in her like a physical force, and then suddenly, Draco's wand exploded.

"Wow!" said Harry.

"Brilliant!" exclaimed Ron. "Did you see how her eyes got all glowy? Hey, Harm! Do it again!"

"Why'd he call you 'Harm'?" asked Draco.

"Miss Granger, in the hallway please," said Snape.

Harmony followed Snape out into the hall, expecting a lecture. Instead, he gave her a piece of paper and said, "Report to the Headmaster's office and give him this," and went back into the classroom.

She hadn't seen Snape actually write anything, which meant this had to be something he'd prepared ahead of time. Well, if it was about her, she had every right to read it! She unfolded it quickly and read…

_Headmaster: _

_Miss Granger has begun to manifest her new powers. I believe she should be told about the Prophecy._

**AN: Ooooo cliffie!11twelve! Don't U just h8 me? Hee!**


	7. Chapter 7

_Miss Granger has begun to manifest her new powers. I believe she should be told about the Prophecy._

Harmony realized she was leaning against the wall, having nearly collapsed. _Prophecy? What Prophecy?_ She hadn't even thought to look for her name when she'd been in the Department of Mysteries – not that there'd been time, anyway.

And wait, new powers?

There was only one way to clear this up. She headed for Dumbledore's office.

She found the Headmaster catching up on his paperwork. He seemed to know what she was there for as soon as he saw her. "Ah, Miss Granger. You're here with a message from Professor Snape, I believe?"

Wordlessly, Harmony handed him the note and waited. After he read it, she said, "What powers? What prophecy?"

Dumbledore sat back. "Did anything unusual happen in Potions class today?"

She shrugged. "I accidentally made Draco's want blow up, but that kind of thing used to happen all the time before I came to Hogwarts."

"Indeed," said Dumbledore, "but it's very unusual for uncontrolled magic to appear in a witch or wizard who's already begun studying magic."

"Well, a lack of self-control doesn't sound like much of a 'power,'" she said.

"It's only the first sign," Dumbledore explained. "It means you're developing the ability to perform wandless magic. This ability is very rare in Britain."

"Only in Britain?"

"In most countries, actually, but it's quite commonplace in America."

"In America? Why?"

"I'm not sure," he said thoughtfully, "But I believe it's because the United States is so litigious. They're always suing each other."

"What's suing got to do with it?" asked Harmony, increasingly bewildered.

"Never you mind," said Dumbledore. "The point is, you've got this ability and you'll need help developing it. Fortunately, since it's genetically linked, we've been prepared for this for several years. Tomorrow, you'll begin private lessons with Professor Snape."

"He has it too?"

"Of course – he's your father. You've never seen him use it because it attracts too much attention. I suspect you'll also find that, like him, you're a natural Legilimens."

Harmony felt as if she'd just been diagnosed with a disease.

Then she remembered something even worse. "Professor," she said, "What is this prophecy he mentions?"

"Ah, yes, that," he said distractedly. "Well, you do know the prophecy about Harry and Voldemort?"

"Yes – that Harry has the power to vanquish the Dark Lord, and that neither can live while the other survives. But what's that got to do with me?"

"There was another prophecy, this one by a Seer in Hong Kong. _The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will need the help of the Lost Daughter of the House of Snape, and without her he will not triumph_!"

"It… it mentioned the name Snape? The actual _name_?"

"Yes, it did," Dumbledore affirmed. "Unusual for a prophecy, but there it is. That's why we had to give you to a new family at the moment you were born."

"A new family? But that means… You mean my mother…"

"Isn't your real mother, no. Your biological mother was…"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Are you ready? I bet you think you're ready. But you're wrong. Nothing can prepare you for… CHAPTER EIGHT!**

"Your biological mother," Dumbledore said slowly, "was Remus Lupin."

Harmony stared at him.

"I know that may be hard to accept," said Dumbledore, "but don't worry, lycanthropy isn't genetic. There's absolutely no chance that you're a werewolf."

"That's… not the part I'm having trouble with."

Dumbledore nodded sagely. "You think that Severus hates Remus. But he didn't always, you know. After the finished school they…"

"Professor," she cut in, "Remus Lupin is a man."

"Oh, that!" The Headmaster laughed. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew. Men who are bitten by werewolves can become pregnant."

For a brief moment Hermione wondered where she had gestated, then decided she didn't want to know. Besides, she couldn't think of a way to ask without sounding like a Monty Python joke.

"But… but… Remus and Sirius never -" she began.

"What? Oh, those two didn't get together until years later, not until Sirius was out of Azkaban."

"I, er, what I meant was, I lived with them for an entire summer – why wouldn't one of them have told me?"

"We all agreed that the less you knew, the better, considering the Prophecy," explained Dumbledore. "If it hadn't been for the situation with your adoptive family, we wouldn't have told you until we were sure Voldemort was dead."

If Dumbledore said anything else, Harmony didn't hear him. She wandered through the rest of the day in a haze, dimly aware that her grades were going to suffer this year.

Although she still had those four pounds to lose** (A/N: i no they use like stones or sumthin, but i dun no how much dat is lol)**, she went to dinner, but ate only ice cream.

Back in the common room of the suite she shared with Draco, Harmony fell asleep on the sofa while mentally composing her application to the Ford Modeling agency, since she was pretty sure her academic career was over. She dreamed about dating Leonardo DiCaprio. Well, not "dating," per se, but, um, enough said.

It was dark when she woke up. Since she had a crick in her neck from sleeping on the sofa, she groped her way to her bedroom without turning on the light. That proved to be a mistake when she crawled into bed and was greeted with a "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" from Malfoy. **(A/N: Bet U didn't C that coming!112!)**

Harmony shrieked and leapt to her feet.

"Geeze, Granger, there's no need to scream. I'm not _that_ repulsive." Even in the dark she could see his smirk.

"Sorry I woke you I should have turned on the light but I guess that would have woken you up too I'll be going now what time is it anyway?" she babbled, moving towards the door.

"It's about three, and I wasn't asleep anyway. You might as well stay and talk."

"Talk? Us? Why?" Harmony decided she was probably having a nightmare, and in a nightmare you're supposed to confront the subject of the nightmare, so she sat back down on the bed.

"Well, we've got lots to talk about, haven't we? I mean, for starters, what's up with these rooms? How come we never heard of the head boy and girl sharing quarters until we got here? And how come in a school full of some of the most powerful witches and wizards in Britain, they can't get the bedrooms to stop moving?"

Harmony sighed. "That is so far from my top ten problems today," she told him.

"Oh yeah, that's right, you just found out about that prophecy today."

"How do you know about that?" she asked suspiciously. Could he have been spying on her? For that matter, could ANYONE spy on Dumbledore's office?

"Snape told me, of course. He IS my godfather, after all. Heh heh – I guess that means we're practically siblings. Maybe you _should_ get out of here."

Harmony was still suspicious. "If you knew Snape was my father, why have you been calling me a – a Mudblood?"

Draco rolled his silvery eyes. "Well, I had to keep up the act, didn't I? I couldn't have anyone suspecting I was a sympathizer."

"_Are_ you a sympathizer?"

"Of course not!" he scoffed. "I'm a full-fledged member of the Order! You really are daft. How do you get such good marks?"

"What? Even after the Order sent your father to Azkaban?"

He snorted. "Good riddance. All he ever did was beat up on my mother, and – and - " Unexpectedly, Draco's lower lip began to tremble.

Harmony moved over and slipped an arm around his shoulders. His Quidditch-Toned Muscles ™ were incredibly tense, so she started rubbing them without really noticing what she was doing. "It's okay," she said. "You don't have to tell me about it."

The next thing she knew, Draco was kissing her. She found herself responding for several seconds before pulling away.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "I thought we were - "

"You know what, I can't deal with this right now," said Harmony, getting up quickly from the bed. "I'll see you tomorrow, Draco."

"My friends call me Drake!" he called after her as she left the room.

Harmony went to her own room and locked the door behind her. "Definitely a nightmare," she assured herself.

**A/N: I WONT CONTINUA THIS UNLAS I G3T AT L3AST FIEV MORA R3VEIWS!11!1! LOL **(This author's note brought to you by The English-to-12-Year-Old-AOLer Translator.)


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** You may think this is AU now, since book 6 has been published, but it was actually AU from the moment of its conception, so it doesn't really matter.

**Danielle-Pen:** I don't really think 12-year olds spell like that (I sure didn't), but the name of the translator is "The English-to-12-Year-Old-AOLer Translator"; I didn't make it up. ;)

- - - - -

Harmony awoke with the fervid hope that the previous two days had all been a dream, but when she opened her eyes to the black walls and moving Green Day posters of her new room, she knew that she had to come to terms with her new life.

The violet charm she had cast the previous day had worn off, so today she charmed her eyes to be golden. Her golden eyes and purple-streaked hair set each other off nicely. Instead of her uniform, she decided to wear black low-rise jeans and a midriff top to show of her navel piercing.

She waited until she heard Draco leave before slipping out of her room and down to the Great Hall. Because she still wanted to lose weight, she ate only a pot of marmalade while she listened to Harry and Ron going on about Quidditch practice.

Everyone kept turning to look at her, but no one mentioned her being out of uniform. Probably the dress code just didn't apply to the Head Girl. She hated the stares but decided that if she was going to be the school hottie, she should get used to it.

During breakfast, Dumbledore had an announcement. "Because the Yule ball two years ago was such a success, we have decided have an annual ball. This year it will be held on Halloween. Dress is formal, but Muggle clothes will be allowed." And there was much rejoicing.

"We have also decided," the headmaster continued, "to have a talent show. Please see the head of your house to register." This was greeted with murmurs of puzzlement, but Dumbledore, instead of elaborating, sat down to eat his breakfast.

Ginny tapped Harmony's arm. "Hey Harm, we should do a number?"

"What do you mean, 'a number'?" asked Harmony, dreading the answer.

"You know, a song-and dance number!"

"I don't sing," said Harmony. "In fact, neither do you."

"We can use spells to make us sound better!"

"Well, then it's not much of a talent show, is it?"

"I think it will be fun," said Luna, including herself in the plan. "But what would we do?"

Ginny looked around the table, and her eyes lit on Harmony's breakfast. "I know, we'll do 'Lady Marmalade'!"

"Absolutely not," said Harmony.

"Oh, yes!" said Luna. "We'll do that arrangement by Christina Aguilera and - "

"That won't even be recorded for five years yet!" Harmony protested, but they ignored her. Ginny was singing:

"Voolay-voo-cooshay-avec-mwah, se-swah…"

"Do you even know what that means?" demanded Harmony.

"No," said Ginny, "but no one else will either."

"Of course they will; it's French – not exactly the most obscure language in the world! Listen, I'm not having any part of this!"

Luna started singing along with Ginny. Harmony looked to Harry and Ron for help, but they were doubled over laughing. Suddenly she felt a presence behind her and turned. It was Draco.

"Come on, we have to talk about Head stuff," he said.

Harmony followed him out of the Great Hall, and he stopped right outside the entrance.

"So, what do we have to talk about?" she asked.

"Nothing; it just looked like you could use a rescue."

"Oh. Um… thanks." She had to admit she was impressed that he'd even picked up on that.

"So now you owe me one," he said, and with that, he leaned over and tried to kiss her.

"Hey! What's gotten into you? What's gotten into _everyone_?" she exclaimed, pushing him away.

Draco just shrugged. "Dunno. Seemed like the thing to do."

Harmony whirled away and stalked off towards her Defense Against the Dark Arts class. But as she reached the classroom…


	10. Chapter 10

But as she reached the classroom and saw who was at the podium, her heart stopped.

_But of course,_ she thought. _Who else? Serves me right for missing the first night's feast. I never even thought about who they'd got to teach Defence this year._

Remus Lupin grinned and beckoned her into the classroom.

Harmony ran.

She couldn't stand to go back to her dorm and deal with Draco. She didn't want to deal with anyone, in fact. She headed for the Astronomy tower, which was only used at night.

When had her life begun to spin out of control? When had she started to feel as if she'd been plucked from her real life and inserted into some high school English teacher's worst nightmare? How could all the potential problems of adolescence have been heaped upon one girl? And on top of that, finding out her real father was a man she hated, and her real mother was… She couldn't bring herself to say it, even to herself.

_Think, Granger. This didn't all just come out of nowhere. What was the first thing that went wrong? _She thought of the death of her father. It seemed distant and unreal. She tried to remember getting the news… she couldn't. But she must have. She knew he died when… wait, how did he die? Why couldn't she remember? The harder she thought, the less she remembered.

Harmony allowed herself a few tears of frustration, and ended up crying until she fell asleep. Her last waking thought was that getting the belly-button ring had been exceedingly stupid.

The Hogwarts Express screeched to a stop at Platform 9 ¾, jolting Hermione awake. She looked around groggily. Nothing unusual – Harry and Ron were throwing food at each other, and Ginny was pretending to ignore them. Why did Hermione feel as if she hadn't seen them in ages?

"Sleep well?" asked Ron, seeing that she was awake.

"Not really. I had the oddest dream. You were in it… and you … and you …" she said, looking from Ron to Harry to Ginny. They didn't notice.

"Takes her prefect duties too seriously, this one," said Ron. "You don't see me exhausted and falling asleep on the train."

"Prefect!" said Hermione. "That's right, I'm a prefect! Not Head Girl!"

Now they looked at her. "Head girl?" said Ron. "Why would you be Head Girl? You've only just finished your fifth year. And why would they even announce Head Girl and Boy on the way home?"

"Must've been the dream…" she mumbled.

Just then the door slammed open. "Everybody out!" shouted Draco Malfoy. "Well, the Mudblood's in a hurry," he remarked, as Hermione fled the compartment. Ron said something obscene and elbowed Malfoy on the way out, and Harry and Ginny followed his example.

Hermione heard none of it – she was already on the platform, scanning the crowd for her parents. When she spotted them she ran and hugged both of them at once.

"You've gotten taller!" said her father. "But what have you done to your hair?"

"My hair? Nothing. Mussed form sleeping on the train, I expect."

"No, not that," said her mother. "It looks a little bit… purplish."

Hermione had read about people feeling faint, but she hadn't been sure what that really meant until know. "It's… probably just the light in here. Can we go please?"

Her father picked up her trunk. "Sure darling. Oh, we've had the most wonderful letter from Professor Dumbledore – you're going to be Head Girl next year!"

Years later, in the psychiatric ward of St. Mungo's, Hermione's head Girl letter hung on the wall over her bed, although it'd had to be adhered by magic since Hermione kept trying to tear it down.

When Remus Lupin came to visit her, she screamed and cowered. She couldn't tell anyone why, though; all she ever said, all she could say, was "No marmalade. No marmalade."

THE END


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